What do I want?

As I go back in my life & start thinking, I started doing what my parents were expecting from me. With the age I started changing what I want from life for me. I remember on the last day of my college at the very early morning I had set some goals for my life. They are as follows--- Need to have my own Honda car, my own bungalow, 2 kids & do business for my living & always to be my own boss.
Six years later all the goals were achieved & set up more goals & they are--to drive Mercedes Benz, be a millionaire & start travelling. Nine years later got all I wanted. Now once again I raised my level of expectations at the higher aims. I have decided to have my own newly build home in USA, have a hotel, travelling world wide & try to be the best father & a community man.
Today I have a million dollar home, have 3 Mercedes Benz, already travelled 17 countries & a proud father to have 2 Rutger graduates as my kids.Only thing I got setback as to be a community man. I am famous, did donated a lot but these efforts are tainted by my own friends criticism, but it is OK.
Now today on January 31-2012, I am raising my own demands.
Here they are
1: I want to see 1 million dollars cash of my own.
2: I want to be multi millionaire
3: Want to build a new bungalow in India
4: Be a proud parents to have 2 master degree holders in my home
5: By 2016 want to see both kids settle down with their own life
6: By 2020 set to retire
7: Want to set deeper roots with my home India to retire to serve community
8: Travel every year to at least 2 countries to keep exploring the world
9: To reduce 25 lbs by the end of 2012.

Let us see where my hard work will lead me?
I am sure with the blessings of The Almighty God, how fast I reach my goals......

Need to be selfdisciplined:

Ever since I lost Anand,my life is out of track.The person who knows what is right and what is wrong for myself is only me.I did not drink for about 2 years after Anand's death.Since than I tried couple of time unsuccessfully to quit,but was always couldn't last longer.I my worst enemy when I am drunk.I never smoked but used chewing tobacco for many years.

I know that drinking in moderation is good or may be O.K.But when you don't know the limit it is worst.I want to overcome this.Every time I think to overcome my drinking habits,something emotional,physical,social comes in and that prompts that I can't stop it completely or make it moderately.

I am evaluating reasons why I need to drink?Following things comes in my mind,

1:You want to feel that you want to enjoy your success and want to prove that you can feel high and want to forget that no one can stop you of doing whatever you want to do.

2:You want to prove that you have higher capacity than other people and can tolerate more than other.It can satisfy your ego.

3:When you feel lonely and alone or when you feel that you are being ignored or being unappreciated for what you are or what you have done for other people.These moments are the worst moments.If you start first drink in this situations,then there is no end.You can not stop still you are completely drunk.

4:Socialism is another reason why you drink.When you have company either at your home or outside,you don't want to look like a chicken or cheap that you cannot afford to drink.

5:You want to celebrate all the moments and you think that life is only once so why not celebrate it.But when you over celebrate you forget your limit.

Today I want to make up my mind to make to moderate my drinking.I want to do following things.I want to pray to Almighty God to help me achieve my goal.I have to do this for me.As I am the only person who knows that what is better for me.I know that what I am missing and I am the only one who knows what I can do if I can control myself.

1:Wake up early in the morning like 7 am.Start your day early and work at least 9 hours a day.It will not only increase your control on your businesses but eventually increase your income and you don't be out of touch.

2:Regularly keep walking as I am doing almost everyday.But at the same time increase your work out like skipping rope or do head stand or run about at least half a mile.

3:Try to sleep early like at least by 12 at night,so at least you wake up fresh.

4:Stop attending public event as I go first come home last and always give company to everybody to the end.

5:Stop inviting friends over.As soon as I have more people around me I can not stop till last person leaves.

6:Keep laptop away from my bed as either I play solitaire or watch movies and sleep very late.

Let us see who wins if it is my will or my habit.I have to do this as I know that it is good for me.

Please God give me strength to overcome this.

Look Beyond Criticizm:

I love when people start talking behind my back and criticize and don't even know why they do it and there is no fact to support it.Mainly there are 3 reasons.
1:People want to justify their ego by putting me down and want to look and prove they are better than me.
2:People are missing something what I have and what they are missing.
3:Most off all may be what they expect me to do for them and they start thinking that I don't do enough for them.
But I don't want to even know why they don't have any guts to come across me and tell me what is their real problems and may be I can help them.At the same time I start smiling that I have enough juice in me and they can't stand to tolerate my guts that they have to talk behind me back,truly I love it!
Criticism gives me strength and give energy that I am not weak.Stronger survive that is life.People has very short memory and they are like rats in the ship,who jump first when there is fire in the ship.And think and look back in the history how many weak people world remember.Always famous,smart and powerful people are never forgotten.So obviously by criticizing me they make me powerful,strong and most importantly enforce me to do better than what they are worth.
It doesn't mean that I don't listen to the correct criticism and don't change myself,I do and I never forget to make necessary changes in my life and without letting them know I try to change myself.
Mostly people or close ones,they assume things or listen to stupid people around me and join in the crowd and start badmouthing me.I hate when this happens because if they can't be satisfied with what they have,I am not God To help them.
See that's why trust in every relationship is very important whether it is kids and parents,husband and wife,between friends,employers and employee,lovebirds,rivals or whatever!So when I find out when people want to hurt me by badmouthing or criticizing me,I love them.They tell me in a way that they don't like me and they don't trust me and they are not worth to be your friends.
So again fall back to my basic principal,if you think you are right and not hurting anyone by doing what you are ,don't change your path.People who are confused and undecided will change their path because they don't have confidence in themselves.So make sure you trust yourself and move ahead in life and success will follow you.I still believe in the say that says how can you love somebody when you don't love yourself and you have to be beautiful to enjoy beauty.
So be confident and love yourself to move ahead in life and I guarantee you you never be disappointed.

Burden of expectations:

Human nature is always in need of appreciations of what you do during the course of life.It is very simple to understand when you love someone you expect love in return,when you think you are close to someone you need to be felt very close with them.You not necessarily do everything for anyone to get same thing or more in return,but when you start feeling that you are being ignored by them then it start hurting you inside,and that feeling is truly a killer,you feel left out,you feel ignored and that moment can create a huge problem in your life.You never want to say what you have done for anyone till you start feeling ignored or left out by same people.
In reality whatever happens,happens for a reason.If you don't experience such incidents,you don't even realise how weak you are?You don't find out how much you are dependant on such people!and more importantly they start controlling you,your emotions,your behaviour and most importantly your personality!So it is very important that whatever you do,think that it is merely a coincident that you could help someone.Do not in any circumstances make you believe that there is only you who could have done this things for your loved one.There is someone everywhere for everyone.Don't start thinking world is ending because you are inactive.So very importantly be strong and don't let this feelings start ruling your behaviour.At this moment I will never advise anyone to fall in a bad habit of forgetting what happens around you.Please remember to appreciate anyone who even do tiniest little thing for you.You should completely do opposite than how they treated you.Never let your ego hurt your feeling. Please always try to understand these kind of things are always meant to destroy you.
If you start looking other way around you will find many things that you should start feeling proud about yourself.You are healthy,your wife and kids are happy and healthy,what else necessarily you should expect more?
Ultimately my beliefs is going back always have positive attitude!Instead of looking at the half empty glass always say it is half full.Small thing like this can make you a better person.
Yesterday I appreciated Puja and today I want to thank my little Anand for me to always to keep thinking that you are not God!If I were Go,I could have saved him.As much I think about what happened to him,I miss him.His sweet memories always made me a better man.He tought me to forgive who wants to hurt me or say bad about me.As long as I will never forget his smiling face even when he was suffering.I know that where ever he is rested,he must be happy!May be it is his blessings,Pratik anf Puja loves me like crazy.Pratik is the son anybody can be proud of.I am blessed to have kids like Pratik and Puja.I have won the lottery and I don't want to have more than their love!

First day appreciating Puja:

It was my dream that I should write everyday how I felt everyday, how was my experience with time everyday. Ever since I had heard about blogging I wanted to do it. I am not an expert or Internet maniac and simply I still today, I learn how to do everyday Internet activities.

Few Months back I expressed my desire about having my own blog to my kids as well as my best friend Subhash, they must have thought that I may be joking. But let me assure you all that I remember Martha Stuart's famous quote "you can learn something new everyday” So let it be my first day of my blogging.

My lovely and amazing daughter Puja started helping me how to create my own blog and in few seconds she starts yelling at me that I don't follow up on simple things. I replied her that when as a dad how many months it took me to teach her how to stand up at your own or to walk at your own or how to clean your own butt at your own, so why she has to be frustrated to teach her own dad how to blog? Anyway life is stupid. What goes around comes around, May be God is giving Puja an opportunity to pay back his dad! So first day of my blogging belongs to my sweetheart Puja and sincerely I appreciate her to have passions and tolerance to teach me how to do blogging and believe me I mean it from bottom of my heart.

As a first day of I don't want to miss this opportunity to thank, appreciate everyone whom I love and everyone who loves me. I may be out spoken, may fight with you, but at the end of the day I always have loved everyone.